For the past three weeks, i had been suffering. i suffered from mental stress and physical exhaustion.
October 7 - After i took a bath, i noticed a little blood stain on my bra. With that, i squeezed my breast and saw reddish brown liquid coming out, the amount though is not significant. I worried and told my husband about it.
October 8 - My husband decided to leave from the office just to encourage me to go to Makati Med. So we went. I told my doctor, Dra. Liza Gozon-Francisco of what prompted me to consult. In addition to that reddish thing which came out of my breast, i also consulted why i haven't been having my monthly period. SOP, pregnancy test was done and it was negative. I also told the doctor that i still have breastmilk eventhough i am no longer breastfeeding. So it started. The doctor told me that i might be having high level of Prolactin, a certain hormone secreted by the pituitary gland which enables mothers to produce milk.
High level of prolactin can be caused by pregnancy, breastfeeding or a pituitary tumor. I am NOT pregnant, i am NOT breastfeeding. Then what is left? Pituitary Tumor. There, my ordeal started. I was ordered to have a blood test to confirm if my prolactin level is high and a Sonomammogram to know what had caused a little bloody discharge from my breast.
October 9 - before going to the field for my quarterly validation, i went to Makati Med to have my blood test done and sonomammogram. i was scheduled for blood extraction at 7:30am and Sono at 8:00 am.
October 10 - continuation of my field work. Doc Francisco texted me, you have high Prolactin and sugar level, please get your request for MRI from my clinic. i felt like a bomb exploded in my head. A what? MRI scan in my head? i started to "google" all the terms related to prolactin, pituitary tumor and everything that is related to hormones and endocrine system. In short, the things i've read aggravated my fear. i felt restless.
i started the "What ifs", endless what ifs. What if i have a large tumor in my head that needed surgery. What if during surgery, i died and never woke up. Yeah i know, i was hopeless. Pathetic.
October 11 - i went to Makti Med to consult with the endocrinologist since i was told that i already have an appointment. It turned out that my appointment is Tuesday and not Thursday. Also, i scheduled or my friend Alma had my MRI scan scheduled on Friday, October 12. i secured all the things i need for the scan. Approval from Medicard, doctor's request and creatinine test (another blood extraction).
October 12 - i was restless. Cannot think of anything but my MRI scan. Alma accompanied me to Makati Med since my husband is in field work in Bataan. i dreaded the clock to strike 12:30, it was my scan schedule. But then, i cannot stop the clock from ticking. 12:00 i was preparing, the doctors and nurses were preparing. I changed to hospital gown, a hep lock was put in my right hand (it is where the contrast will be injected) and i was told to wait while they ready the machine. i was so nervous, first time i had my BP at 130/100. and my pulse rate, faster than ever.
The procedure began. i was told to lie and not to move. there is a headset, where a Bossa music is playing. The nurses told me that it would be noisy during the scan, just like the sound in a construction site. there is a buzzer, should i need any assistance or i felt something different while the procedure is on-going, i just have to press it. Ok, all is set. The machine moved and not long, i was already inside a capsule, a doughnut, a whatever. Creepy feeling that i was in a casket. I closed my eyes and prayed endlessly. When i opened my eyes, there is a mirror above where you can only see your eyes. I chose to shut my eyes once again and prayed.
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| This is the machine. Grabbed from the net. |
Suddenly, i felt something itchy in my throat. It took me almost two minutes thinking what i would do. Thinking if i am to press the buzzer. Sabi ng isip ko "di kona kaya, nauubo na ko". I pressed the buzzer, pressed it THREE times i think. Then i saw it, nurses flooding the room asking "Ma'am andito na po kami, bakit po, ano po nararamdaman nyo? I felt their panic, intense panic i think. Then i answered "Nauubo ako, pwede ba umubo? nauubo talaga ako". Hahaha. Relief flooded the room after i answered the nurses what my concern is. I can almost feel them laughing. Laughing at my blooper.
Then the procedure was finished. i am to wait for the result until Monday.
October 13-14 - Peaceless weekend.
October 15 - for a breather, i attended Bojo's Kiddielympics. He is to dance in a field demonstration, he is to dance "folk dance" and he is to participate in flag relay and tug-of-war. i forgot about the MRI, though from time to time, it was going back my mind. Nevertheless, this day is a busy day. I was busy convincing Bojo to dance and to participate in the games. Sayang ang damit! My efforts were not rewarded. Bojo only participated in the tug-of-war. No dancing happened.
October 16 - i have an appointment with the Endocrinologist. But before that, i have to pick up the result of my MRI scan. Just as i am about to leave for Makati Med, i received a text message. "Good day Ma'am. This is from the Breast Clinic of Makati Med. You are requested by our doctor to come back for a recheck of your procedure. For any queries, please call us ASAP to arrange a schedule"
My heart started to beat faster and louder, it is as if my heart is already in my throat. I called, they know me at once when i told them my name. "mam kasi po i che check lang particularly your right breast". I cannot describe how nervous i am after hearing that. Because it was my right breast where the bloody liquid leaked out. It was my right breast where i felt a slight pain during the sonomammogram procedure.
I cannot fathom the nervousness i felt. I have not yet seen the result of my MRI scan and then here comes a new challenge, the result of the sono. i went to Mama Jen (Jenny Saldua) and told her of my concern. Without further explanation, she accompanied me at once to makati med.
First stop, breast clinic. I was told to wait while they inform the doctor i am already there. I was called. I changed to hospital gown and went into the sono room. The doctor came in and checked a certain mass seen in my right breast. She told me "Alam mo Josie, hindi kasi maganda e. kailangan i-biopsy". Just like that. She told it to me just like that. That doctor did not even bother to give me time to ask questions. My husband called her, doctor from hell when i told him later what has happened in Makati Med. I was left shocked. Really shocked. Good thing i have Mama Jen with me during that most difficult moment i think in my life.
While waiting for the written result, we got first the result of the MRI, then we ate in Burger King or Mama Jen ate. I am numb with shock that i didn't even feel hungry. While Mama Jen is on queue for the food, i cannot help but look into the result of the MRI. The result was ok, i have microadenoma, meaning a small tumor in the pituitary. The tumor is benign and maybe medicated orally (based on what i've read in the internet).
We went back for the result of the sono. The shock intensified further. The result: BIRAD 4B. Interpretation:
Category 1 - Negative
2 - Benign
3 - Probably Benign
4 - Suspicious (biopsy is recommended)
4A - low suspicion of malignancy
4B - Intermediate suspicion of malignancy
4C - High suspicion of Malignancy
5 - Highly suggestive of malignancy
6 - Known Cancer
Shocking. im lost for words. I wanted to cry but i cannot. There are a lot of people in the clinic. And i have to see my Endocrinologist.
At around 5pm, i am called to enter the clinic of the Endocrinologist. She told me of what i already know, i have microadenoma. Well in short, i can only remember vaguely what we're talking about until the doctor stood up and feel my neck. "Baka lalo ka mahigh-blood, i can feel nodes in your thyroid". Another shock. Shock after shock after shock... i was recommended for another ultrasound. This time, neck ultrasound. For the coming days, i need to have a biopsy and a neck ultrasound.
When we got back to the office, i am contemplating whether to tell my husband at once what had happened in Makati Med. It's October 16 and it's his birthday tomorrow. I don't want him to be sad on his special day.
But then, when i saw him, i broke down. I have to cry, if not, i know i will faint.
October 17 - It's my husband's birthday. He is supposedly going to Bataan for a field work but then, I am more important. He decided to take a leave and accompany me in Makati Med. Before we went to the hospital, we dropped by at Baclaran Church. That gave me strength to endure the day, to endure the coming days.
I have to see my OB first, Dra. Francisco. When she saw the result, she is not worried at all. She made me realize that the mass seen in my breast is just small. So small, 0.6cm to be exact. I did not realize that, if not for her. She made a request for biopsy and recommended a surgeon to do it. My worry is lessened.
Next stop, surgeon. Dr. Caedo. He even laughed when he saw the result of my Sono. Then he told me of the kinds of biopsy and asked what do i want. I answered him what can he recommend. He told me "kausapin ko muna yung gumawa nitong result ng sono mo. Tawagan mo ko bukas". I told him i'm scared. He replied, "O sige, worst case. May cancer ka, Stage 1 given the size". More of my worry gushed out.
Last stop for the day in Makati Med, neck ultrasound. The procedure took about almost one hour and a half. 15 minutes were spent waiting for the consultant doctor. A specialist was needed to be called for reasons i do not know. All i know is that the doctor asked me why i was requested to undergo the procedure then i told her "kasi may bukol daw po na nakapa yung doktor". The she asked me, san banda daw?. I answered, di ko po sure e. sa right yta na leeg. Ok, she said.
When i went out of the room, i felt somehow relieved. With the way the doctor asked me, i think she cannot see any abnormalities in my neck.
It's time to get out of Makati Med. I told my husband that it seems that i cannot breath normally inside the hospital. MakatiMedPhobic...
Despite all the things that happened this day, i have to forget all of my worries for a while. I have to be happy for my husband, it's his birthday. We ate at Mcdo and decided to go home. Before going home, we dropped by SM Bacoor to buy pancit, lechon Manok and cake.
October 18 - This is the third time that i have to have blood extraction. At 7 am we are already at Makati Med. At 8 am, i had my blood extraction procedure to test the hormone cortisol. Before going to the office, i got my neck ultrasound report and dropped by Dr. Caedo for the schedule of my biopsy. His secretary told me he is still in the operating room. In short, i never got to talk to him in person. We only talked in the phone. I left my neck ultrasound result in his clinic then he told me that the breast clinic can do the biopsy. Core needle biopsy it is. So i went to the breast clinic and scheduled the biopsy. i got the 1:00pm, October 19 biopsy schedule. i was told that the PF of the doctor to do the biopsy is not covered by Medicard but may be reimbursed.
I went back to the office and loaned from the coop to pay for the doctor's PF for tomorrow.
October 19 - My biopsy day. We were at Makati Med around 12noon. I cannot eat. I am not hungry. After my husband's lunch we head straight to the Breast Clinic. I dread that the doctor from hell will be the one to do the biopsy. When i was called to enter the clinic, i feel as if my heart is in my throat. the same feeling i had during my MRI scan. The assisting nurse interviewed me then i changed to hospital gown. Gladly, the nurse was kind. Then i met the doctor, she is not from hell, i think she is heaven sent. She speaks mildy, and assured me that i will not feel any pain during the procedure. I told her i'm not afraid of the procedure but of the result of the procedure. She just smiled. She is very motherly and i feel that she is really caring and kind to anyone.
The procedure. First needle- anesthesia, slowly injected in my right breast. The needle for biopsy looks something like this:
Scary. It's quite huge and it sounds like a stapler. First two shots, the doctor said were ok. Target is hit the way she wanted it. Before going for the third shot, i can already feel the pain. Maybe its psychological because i saw the huge needle. Nonetheless, the doctor injected more anesthesia. I prayed endlessly. Before i knew it the procedure was done already. Result will come out on Wednesday, October 24. By the way, the doctor who did the biopsy is related to Mamay, or Mr. Carlos Cadiz of Mt. Carmel Rural Bank in Lipa. Relative of his wife. What a small world!
I texted my OB that the biopsy was already done. She called me and i told her i could not get the result. She said she'll get it and call my husband for the result.
In a matter of two weeks, i have had three blood extraction and three scan procedures. In the head, in my breast and in my neck.
October 20-21- Another peaceless weekend. We attended mass at Baclaran Church. My husband told me that attending mass at Baclaran can be my Panata. I told him ok, i have no problem with that. I don't know but after going to Baclaran Church, i feel peace and i know i am healed.
October 24 - Result day. We went to Baclaran Church to hear the mass. At around 9, there was a missed call from my OB. I did not call back. I was too scared to hear the result of the biopsy. But then there is her text message saying "Benign not cancer relax and be glad. God bless you". I cried. I cried after reading it. i was so happy.
My three-week ordeal just ended. In its course, i get to bump with things i have to be very thankful for.
1. I get to know new acquaintances : New Doctors, Dra. Villa-Recto, Dra. Isidro and Dr. Caedo and the "doctor from hell"(pardon for her nickname). Their secretaries, Ms. Edith and Ms. Lala. The assisting nurse in my biopsy, i forgot her name but i know her face. I will forever be grateful to Dra. Francisco for all her support and help.
2. My friends. My prayer warriors. it is truly during difficult times that you will know how valuable your friends are.
3. My family. I never bothered to tell my parents about my ordeal. they will freak-out. My in-laws know and all of my husband's relative i think know. I'm thankful. They supported me all the way.
4. My husband. i remember asking him, Pano kung may sakit ako, ano gagawin natin? He replied " E di lalabanan natin". How cool is that?
5. Most of all, i get to renew my relationship with God. He made me see how beautiful life is. How blessed i am to have good friends, loving family and a strong husband.
The happy ever after in fairy tales indeed is true. We may experience hardships but our faith in God and support from family and friends are the most important weapons we have.
God is good all the time.
